As I write this post I am sat in my pyjamas, fully refreshed from a day of gorging on food and alcohol. My belly weighs double it’s weight, and my mind is lighter from the worry a day of such indulgence does not allow. The exhaustion from a long Christmas Eve shift in retail has subsided, and such exhaustion is now appreciated for what is now a heavy feeling of relief. Playing from the speaker of my laptop are soul classics from the likes of Roberta Flack, Dionne Warwick and more. I am calm, and my mind is drifting, thinking of what this Christmas has meant to me.
When I was younger my age now, 21, was a monumental age. It was the ‘year of the key’. I can never remember where I first heard it but 21 was the age when I would become an adult, I would own a house, and my life would be forever sorted. Perhaps too much pressure for a younger kid to have, but there is some truth in it. This age, more than ever, I feel like an adult, capital A, italicised Adult. Christmas is here, and it has not felt as magical as before. I used to be, and always will be a big fan of Christmas spirit, but the spirit of Christmas and the magic of it are two different things. I feel I have lost part of the magic. As much as it feels a little sad, knowing that Christmas used to feel like one of the most incredible events of the year, I am also excited and content. This years feels as if it is my first Christmas as an ‘Adult’. The first Christmas where I have loved the lead up, the music, the family, the over-indulgence but where, ultimately, it is not Christmas that excites me most. It is the new year.
New year… same old me, with a couple extras to come. I don’t feel as if I want to change so dramatically as I have in other years. I am happy. Even as my years move forward, and as the pressures of society try to tell me it is bad to be single at this age, it is bad to not have a concrete plan etc I simply do not care anymore.. I am enjoying this weird life, and want to continue to. I want to let things be what they will be, and chase after things when it feels right to do so.
2016 was bizarre, in every possible way. The very worst and very best happened, and not in the way that every year works, in a way that marks this year as a historical one. For me and for the world 2016 has been unforgettable. Yet it has also been the year that the term adult has felt more appropriate, but the restrictions that I thought came with it have not seemed necessary.
Ultimately my first Christmas as an ‘adult’ has left a smile on my face.
It has left me thinking:
Time is not running out,
Time is not a restriction,
Time should be thrilling.
And as the cliché goes, time is something I should make the most of, and that does not include worrying.
The magic of Christmas, for me, is not as strong as it used to be, but even better, the magic of a year to come, a year that may, for all I know, do great things for me, is far stronger.
Merry Christmas All x