Dissertation Thoughts, Nostalgia and Future Jitters

It’s been a rather busy month with Dissertation planning, personal issues, work, articles and essays, so my brain has been working as hard it as it can, and as much as, in my weary stupor, I want to sleep straight away at night at this age it seems impossible to not even think of my past, present and future life! So I’m doing what I always do and spilling my thoughts out here, just in case anyone finds it interesting or knows the feeling!

Possibly one of the more exciting and equally frightening things going on in my life right now is my dissertation! Early this year, while still in 2nd year and safe from not thinking of the horrifically terrifying thought of graduating, I sent off a proposal for a dissertation project. My proposal was accepted, and as much as my idea has changed quite (very very) substantially from what it was originally, it’s beginning to take good shape!  After many meetings with my supervisor, and many stressful days of endless planning I feel I have a strong film idea, and with a producer and cinematographer on board, I’m ready to begin scripting it! All very exciting, isn’t it?! Also bloody nerve-racking, this 20-30 minute film will essentially be my first calling card, the one thing that I can categorically say is mine and represents my style. Freeing and incredibly daunting all at the same time – will update later – also if anyone is thinking of doing a film dissertation, absolutely do it, it’s pretty lonely at times, but it gives you such a greater respect and appreciation for film.

With that comes the constant reminder that I do graduate in around 5 months, which again I repeat, is terrifying, but I wont lie and say I’m not a little excited because I am. 20 years, generally speaking is not that long, but to me it’s my entire life, and my entire life has been, to say the least, continually quite dramatic and eventful so to be at this point is beyond amazing. It means that I can look forward and imagine all the cool things I could be doing with my life in 5 years, even being where I am now blogging still (as much as I can) working as a Marketing Videographer, and writing for the magazine The Hippo Collective I feel very lucky, and I feel like I’ve chosen the right career. It’s incredibly gratifying to go through life uncertain of a lot of things, most of all your identity and place in life, and come out having a strong sense of who you are and what you want to be. I’m still the stereotypical student who struggles to answer the question “so what do you want to do?” because I don’t have a concrete plan, but I have a feeling, and I have a huge passion for what I do so there’s a balance between complete bloody confusion, and an underlying sense of “yeah, this is right”. Odd, but enjoyable.

You know where you lay at night, looking up at the slowly blurring ceiling before sleep and you begin to ponder everything that’s ever happened? Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot at night and just in general! I believe it’s pretty common for people of this age and those attending Uni to go through this, as everyone I know seems to be the same, so if you’re not there yet, be ready! I have photos all over my wall of memories from first year, from secondary school, even some from primary! Facebook reminds me of things I had forgotten, and it takes me back so quickly and vividly to a time I both wish I could return to and at the same time never go back to. Yet I think that’s school in general, I was just lucky enough to go to a rather enjoyable school, and to have lived in a very chill town full of incredibly talented people! I’ve grown up around some fantastically talented people, both my age, a little younger and a little older who have done well for themselves, and it is incredibly inspiring and uplifting to see.

All in all, I’ve been really appreciating looking back on the past and seeing the good and bad, and seeing how both have come together over the years to make something even more positive. Sometimes I just want to send a huge thank you message to all the people who inspired me and who were just a light in my day! I reached out not too long ago to old friends of mine, who had previously gone out of their ways to make sure I was happy, or that I kept my hope to thank them, and I think that’s important. If you have people that are in your life and they’ve been instrumental in your growing up, however small, it’s nice to appreciate them. It helps you to realise things but it also lets people know they’ve made an impact on another persons life.

Stay happy readers.

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